Already Gone
by lombnut
Summary: Sometimes you realize what you always wanted when it's too late. Nick/Dag


**Sequel to my (very) short story 'I'll be alright... with you'.**  
**This story takes place several years after the closing events**  
**of Run Like Hell. Written in a time of mourning and sorrow as**  
**the recent events of the game tore me up emotionally, and the**  
**death of my favorite character in the game, Dag'rek. I needed**  
**an outlet for all these feelings and when crying wasn't doing**  
**it, writing came to my mind. To write it all out of my system.**

**And it worked.**

**The feelings in this are partially based on my own, but mostly**  
**based on those of Nick. First time writing a downright songfic,**  
**so please be kind and let me know if I did good. I hope you all**  
**find it to your liking, because I sure enjoyed writing it. It**** was  
a very therapeutic experience, healing me in places where I**  
**needed to be healed.**

**Please forgive any canon deviations made in order to tell a story.**

**Enjoy.**

**Already Gone _(fanfiction)_ © Lombnut**  
**Already Gone _(the song)_ © Melanie C**  
**RLH: Run Like Hell and its characters © Digital Mayhem  
**

* * *

"Hi there, Dag..."

I whisper it silently in the breeze, your name again, only for my words to be almost lost in the wind. It's that kind of weather today again, fit for the  
Autumn season. Samantha told me to take a umbrella with me, but I was too stubborn to listen, too proud to hide myself under such accessories. I'm a  
soldier, I can handle it. And... I don't want people to see the tears I cry.

It's better for them to believe it's the rain.

_I can't forget your face,  
the day, the time, the place,_

Your little stone slab doesn't do you any justice, Dag. A little plaque isn't enough to display the pride in your name. Your monument is just so cold, its  
chill cutting to the bone. Nothing like you, _nothing_ how you were. It doesn't have your warmth. _I miss that the most_. I still remember that feeling, from all  
those years back. This holographic display of you isn't fair either, it isn't even close to an accurate depiction of you. It can't show how _wonderful_ your  
features were. How full of expression your face were. How filled with life your eyes were. _Only I know_.

_Your eyes so full of mystery._

It's just a garbled mess of green shapes and pixels. Lifeless.

_Only a fool thinks twice.  
I lost my paradise._

What do you want me to say? How sorry I am? How long it took me to get over you? I can't tell you that, because in truth, I never did. I just replaced you  
out of sorrow. I needed something, _someone_ to fill that empty space inside me. A space you used to call your own. I wish I'd gotten another chance, you  
know. _If you only lived twice_. You wanted me for more then we had at those moments, but I was too caught up in my own problems, my own issues. I was  
too blind to see the love I had in front of me, because I was already out on a fairytale quest, a child's play, to be the hero who gets to save the damsel in  
distress.

_You saw the good in me but I, I looked away.  
I let you drive right by  
I didn't realize I wanted you 'til you were gone._

I hate to think you went out thinking I didn't return the love you held for me. I did, but I was just too stupid to realize it. _I didn't realize I wanted you 'til  
you were gone. _Those times you kissed me, and I kissed you back, I saw it as nothing more than just a moment of bliss, aching release. You gave me  
pleasure because I craved it. Or so I thought. I wished you'd told me sooner, instead of saving your confession for your dying words. _Because it broke  
my heart and killed me_. I took too long, and when I knew, all was already gone.

_I wasted too much time  
I learnt that love keeps moving on.  
But you're already gone._

I got Sam though. She's there for me, she fills the void you left. _You... bastard_. But she can never replace you, just merely attempt to fill your place. I try to  
be happy with her, and to be honest, at times I am. But I'm never as happy as I was with you. I'll never be as happy as you could have made me. _If you  
given me a second chance_. Because she's not you. _Nor will she ever be_.

_The one that got away_

I can't express the grief I feel for losing you. Knowing you slipped away, so close within my grasp.

_The one that makes you pay._

Is this your revenge? To make me suffer? For me to suffer as you did?  
It pains me, Dag. _Every single day_. Because I know what we could have had. But I was too stupid.

_My karma's catching up with me._

I falter haphazardly to my knees, them shaking in the damp air. The sudden rain hits me with a mighty force, forcing me to hunch over, closer to you. My  
trench coat taping itself to my garments, the wetness seeping onto my skin. _Good_. Now no one will see as I let out my sobs. My throat clenches, _because  
it's hard to breath without you_. My eyes sting, _because I never see the world as clearly without you_. I sob your name in the cold, my tears becoming one  
with natures own. If you were here, you'd dry them away. Put me somewhere warm, safe. Put me _with you_.

I can't take this soon anymore. This constant longing, this ever-lasting ache.

I sigh painfully, turn myself around and lean up against the nearby tree. It overlooks your grave, _just as I am now_. It doesn't provide much cover from the  
pouring rain, but that isn't of my concern. I just want to sit here, look at your final resting-place. To see as if you slumber safely. Slumber... Sounds nice...  
I let out a hoarse cough, it tearing the inside of my throat, leaving a stinging, burning feeling. I wonder what's going to kill me first, hypothermia or my  
own recklessness. But... I can't bother to care. I'm so sleepy. I just wi... sh... to... sle... ep...

To fade to black.

_I feel you in my veins._

I grumble something incoherent as a hand on my shoulder harshly shakes me awake. I was about  
to shout something inappropriate to my interrupter, but my thoughts are cut short in awe.

**Dag**._  
My_ Dag'rek.

You're smiling down at me so brightly. I feel so selfish, but the first thought I think is 'am I dead?' No, the rain is still pouring down, the heavens crying  
above me. You lean over me, as a protector. _My shield_. I just... I'm at a lack of words. My mind is flabbergasted, nothing makes sense anymore, logic is  
mere an illusion. I stutter, and stumble on my own words.

"D-D-Do-on't g-g-go." I whimper pathetically.

My hands clutches the ridges of your armor as to bring you closer, gripping them tightly. I trace my fingers around your features. Feeling that familiar  
bump of a nose, the soft fragile skin under your watching eye. Your horns are still as worn-down as last time and your cheekbones are just as masculine.  
I see you close your eyes, humming in content. Your longing for my touch is as apparent as my own. _Kiss me_. Show me the love I know is still there.

Your foreign alien lips brushing up against mine once more. Instinctively, I close my eye, savoring the moment. It feels like it's been an eternity.  
Because_ she's not you_. My lower lip brushes against your upper one, leaving me with a tingling, giddy feeling. No, don't go.

_I won't see you again.  
So scared to lose it all, I lost it anyway._

"I want to hear your voice. Let me know you're real. Let me know you're _here_."

You are giving me that look again. The look of an jaxn'trep finding humanity stupid once more. But can you blame me? My thoughts get cut off yet again,  
by the touch of your rough hand. Those untrimmed claws of yours, still present, but _always_ placed carefully as not to hurt me. The soft skin on your palm  
stroking my cheek, it, one of the few parts of your hand not being hardened from the time of battle. I always enjoyed that trait. A _perfect_ spot. I feel the  
sudden rush of pain interrupting my bliss by the prick of your claw dragging against my cheek.

"Oww! Fuc-"

I mumble the rest under my breath as I get lost in your beaconing eyes. Their unique design always perplexed me.  
You place your blooded finger across my lips as to shush me, my own crimson liquid sliding down its tip.

"Nick."

Rejoice. A eruption of emotions comes forth in me, just as I hear the voice I dreamt of so many times again.

"It's the mark of an jaxn'trep mate."

I put my hand up to my cheek, feeling my wound. It's small in width and short in length, not very deep but still enough to leave a permanent scar. _A mark_.  
I stare dumbfounded at him, in disbelief of his actions. I whisper to him, these words I dread to say, and fear to speak;

_But you're already gone.  
You're already gone..._

You shake your head, giving me that 'stupid human' look again.

"No."

You speak that word with such sincerity as you gently place your hand on my chest, placing it on top of where my heart is.  
I do the same, feeling the radiating heat from your body in the cold.

"I was never gone. Always in your heart."

I smile at you and you smile back at me.

"I've watched you a long time, always thinking about you."

I pull you closer, your chin resting on my forehead.

"Then why..." My eyes tear up again. "Then why did you never come to me? Not even once, during all these years."

I can see you grow silent, your smile fading and shifting into a more thoughtful look.

"It takes a long time to manifest oneself from an astral plane."

I just stare at you, questioningly. I ponder to say that the thought would be illogical, just the very idea absurd, but considering the situation I am in right now,  
if feels as if logic has already been abandoned. You grin at me as your beautiful eyes met my confused ones.

"Jaxn'trep believes are not like human." You chuckles at me, grinningly. "It has many secrets, but none are to be shared outside jaxn'trep circles."

You ruffle the short strains of hairs on of my head, them seeping with wetness, like a sponge under pressure, from the weight of your hand.

"Maybe someday I'll tell you though."

The mighty jaxn'trep in front of me then winks at me playfully.

"It will make a great story."

You brush my forehead gently with your lips, kissing the surface. I'm once more reminded how good your warmth feels, just your tender touch. As you  
stretch to help me up, you reach your hand out to grab mine, a honest smile of utter love and adoration creeping its way onto your features. I pause to  
take your hand in mid-action as you ask me;

"Jaxn'trep mate?"

I smile with words of love shouting in my mind, as I grab your hand in a firm grip.

"Jaxn'trep mate."


End file.
